for the future


Heart Parenting

Understanding Children, the Key to Maintaining Your Harmony

A major cause of child abuse stems from adults not understanding children. The error lies in the parent's assumption that a child's mind is capable of functioning in the same logical manner as an adult's mind. This leads to unreasonable expectations of children on the part of parents.

Young children are not left-brain oriented as their parents are, and they don't possess the logical mind of an adult. In fact, they rely heavily on the right brain which functions at the subconscious level of desire. A subconscious being motivated by desire will behave differently from a conscious being motivated by logic.

Young children are rapid learners but they don't come into the world with knowledge. Everything is a challenge and an adventure to them. They are driven by the desire to explore their environment and seldom use the restraint of logic. That is why they need adult supervision and protection. They can cause a lot of damage and endanger themselves if they are left unattended. Parents may come to resent the constant attention little children require and begin to feel like a prisoner to the task of child rearing.

Children will do things that may seem stupid to an adult, but to a child it is always a learning experience. Little children will do whatever falls within the realm of possibility, and not necessarily that which is appropriate, as they are not accustomed to considering what is the best course of action or what the consequences may be, unless they have already learned the lesson.

Adults may become angry about child behavior, but what children need is instruction and correction. When it is given lovingly, children thrive and learn what parents teach. When it is given with harshness, criticism or condemnation, children automatically seek to undermine what parents teach.

Listening is a skill children must be taught to acquire. Since they are motivated by desire they will tune out whatever they don't value and tune in to whatever pleases them. Children may not want to listen because they may not understand what is being said or they may not be interested if things tend to get long-winded. This can be exasperating to a parent who may say something several times, and still the child isn't listening. These tendencies may cause a parent to become irritated or angry.

Children do not automatically have good habits. They are spontaneous and give little or no thought to the proper care of the environment and what happens next, unless they are taught to do so. This is one reason why Montessori training is so valuable.

Children need to be taught everything. Since children don't develop good habits overnight, it takes great patience on the part of parents and caregivers. A parent may tire of the process. Parents need breaks.

It takes constant vigilance and willingness to discipline with love. When love is absent children resist the parent's direction and will often ignore a command. Children respond to positive qualities such as when parents are orderly, consistent, firm but kind, patient and loving. Children will learn to be kind if parents are kind to them. They will be polite if parents are polite to them.

The rewards of conscientious parenting far outweigh the difficulty and struggle. And the difficulty is far less with a positive approach than with a negative one. When a child is cooperative and eager to learn, parents are elated and child abuse is a non-issue.

Create Loving, Effective Families

For information about a book, click on the title.
To see enlarged front cover, click the cover.

The 7 Habbits of Highly Effective Families
Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits of Higly Effective People
Stephen R. Covey

Back Cover

Living The 7 Habits
Stephen R. Covey

First Things First: To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy
Stephen R. Covey

Back Cover

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Teaching Values: Uses accelerated learning methods and storytelling. Recommended lists of children's books and videos.


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