Mothers and fathers seldom, if ever, intend to be abusive. When situations present themselves that the parent has not learned how to handle effectively, the parent will resort to dealing with circumstances in much the same way that his or her parents dealt with things. Dysfunctional or abusive behavior is learned in childhood and is passed on from one generation to the next.
Certainly, any act that physically harms a child or that bruises or causes the child to bleed is abusive. However, there is a much wider area of dysfunctionallity that is often overlooked which may not involve physical contact, at all. It occurs when parents find themselves in the midst of a familiar episode that they can't tolerate or don't know how to respond to in a loving, constructive manner. Maybe the child was annoying the parent or, perhaps, the parent was impatient with the child's performance. Parents may lash out at their children in an effort to gain control or eliminate a disturbing factor.
When Parents become frustrated or annoyed by a child's behavior they may ridicule, speak hatefully or scold their child in much the same way that their parents did to them, if that was the case. This type of treatment can damage a child's sense of self-worth and lower his or her self-esteem, which will have a direct effect upon how well the child does in school and in the future.
A positive self-image is fundamental to happiness and success. When the verbally abused child becomes an adult he will have to unlearn the negative self-view he was taught as a child and enter into the healing process of learning to love himself.
Parents can become stressed or have way too many things to do, and children can be aggravating at times. Parents need some time for reflection and self-examination to discover and correct negative reactive tendencies in themselves and figure out how to respond effectively to their children's behavior. A course in parenting, psychological counseling and self-help books can all benefit the parent who is seeking healing for dysfunctional family patterns.
